I.C.P.

“Enjoy my town without me there, Expo Five is where they hold the Insane Clown Posse record release shows…luckily, I haven’t been there” says Ryan Patterson via text message as we roll into Louisville. Ryan is a close friend, singer/guitarist of the mighty Coliseum and brother to Evan Patterson who is the guitarist/singer of the just as mighty Young Widows. The Pattersons (No relation to Ted or Sam) have not let me down musically since I met them when they were in The National Acrobat.
The show seems grimmer than grim with us going on at 5:30 after the doors opened at 5pm. We put a song out to al the people in the long ass line that we could see while we played…oh yeah, it’s an outside show at a flea market.
We finish, I break down/pack and find the promoter to settle. The biz is done and I’m gone to get tattooed. First I stop at Cumberland Brews for some Porters and Kentucky Bison Burgers with Evan and Marc “Food Guru” Faulkerson. They were incredibly delicious. Full I head over to get tattooed. Jef Whitehead is in town and I’ve been wanting a snake from him for a few years now. The more than talented man cruises through seamless lines and my snake is done in just under an hour. Happy, I depart back to the show and witness the most redneck/relaxed security back stage gathering of the tour. That got old real fast and we jet to our overnight accommodations (Evans’ apartment) which just happens to be next to Cumberland Brews. I order a Scotch ale and can’t even finish it I’m so burned out.

No Problems

The first day off with no complications or schedule! We slept late, disconnected the trailer, got an oil change and headed out to Whole Foods. I gorged myself on a Rainbow Roll, Chicken dumplings, “Broccoli Crunch” (broccoli, mayo, bacon & nuts) **side note: My girlfriend likes to yell at me for not eating enough greens, so I do my best to order them and let her know I did and life’s good**, a bottle of Guava Komboucha and a Canolli w/dark chocolate chips for dessert.
Afterwards, we go beer shopping (Buffalo Bill’s Blueberry Oatmeal Stout!) and I finally get a case for my new floor tom that arrived in Seattle. Yay, no more cardboard box. This means my drum is protected and that I don’t have to yell at the stage hands for throwing it on the ground while mistaking it for a box of t-shirts. BBQ time, burgers, dogs (real & fake), steak, kielbasa and all the sides/fixings. While talking about The Gates of Slumber, listening to some old heavy metal and watching MTV2, Lamb of God “foot”age appears and knowing them as people these days, we’re compelled to watch closer. Randy (singer) almost chops his toe off with a machete accident and right when he starts to explain things while headed to the doctor on television, the real Randy walks in the front door to attend the BBQ, what timing!…what an entrance! We all laughed real good and feasted away.

Cats Rule

We get to the venue early, and I set up. Get settled, eat some Vosges Mo Bacon Chocolate and Chris tells me about a Cat Circus a few blocks away. Awesome! I love cats. I have the runner Rhonda take me. I walk in the back door and everyone stares at me like I’m a part of the act and I’m told to go to the front. I do so and dodge the $10 admission fee some how. The cats do it all from tremendous leaps to riding skateboards, ring bells with their paws and push one another around in a mini shopping cart. It was great! I race back, hang with my old friend “Fouts” and hop on stage to “bang it out”. The Hoosiers like it and we’re off to the German Beer house across the street to catch up by beer. Tonight was my night, I found myself laying on the floor playing drums at one point and turns out the next day I left behind my shoes, shorts and shirt that I play in. Note to self, don’t get that drunk anymore. My dream came true at evenings end (I skipped catering due to time) with two chicken ring sandwiches and two double cheeseburgers from the might White Castle. Glorious depravity at it’s finest.

Real Anger

Seattle’s Iron Lung fills my eardrums for this entry on the way to Detroit. I hate Detroit. I’m thinking if writing this on the way there, will it have any impact upon arrival? It’s raining and I hope it stays this way and keeps the savages at bay. Detroit is (from what I have seen) sketchy and angry so listening to Iron Lung going into the thick of it makes perfect sense. The Lung are fucking pissed and they mean it. I think honest anger is missing from music these days. There’s plenty of watered down, marketed emotion out there. Not all things of course, but real anger get’s overlooked (‘cause it’s real) and that’s a shame ‘cause it makes for a great music outlet. Ok, Let’s walk backwards to St. Louis. Pretty cool show and really good catering. Fajita assembly line (beef, chicken and all the fixings) & cheese enchiladas, good stuff. There are some pastry cream puffs as well that are practically gone in the blink of an eye, they were incredible. At the end of the night I find myself starving again and go on a Burger hunt with Pomroy (G.Forbid’s TM) . We’re pointed to the Blueberry Hill and the burgers are totally raging! Charbroiled to perfection. A burger, some onion rings and a Lone Star later, we head back to the venue and cross paths with various bands members roaming the streets like escaped zoo animals (bus call was 4am) getting their groove on. Worn down I head to the newly open hotel next to the club (14 days old) and sleep in one the most comfortable beds I’ve ever slept in.

Sunrise Cafe

Every time I come to Chicago I usually go to two places and one is Sunrise Cafe. This place is great and located at 2012 Chicago Ave. Chicago, IL 60622 This time I had the breakfast taco's replaced with Chorizo instead of smoked sausage. Note** I was told by the owner that this request is normally not honored and especially on the weekends. I am lucky I amd there with Jim (Yakuza) as he is a regular. Place number two is Kumas Corner home of some of the best burgers in the USA and they're mostly named after metal bands! Do yourself the favor when is Chicago. PS, NY Pizza rules! All hail Una Pizza!

Brett carries a dildo at SXSW

East of the Wall is a band well worth checking out. Great, tasteful, instrumental song writing, without the wanking. If Russian Circles and Opeth fucked, East of the Wall would be it’s offspring. We’re on the way to St. Louis now, after a killer show and even more killer catering in Chicago and you know what? I can’t remember St. Paul, but now that I’ve typed that it has popped back into my brain. St. Paul was a buy out day (which means no catering and you get money to go get whatever you want to eat) and our set was said to have produced the biggest “circle pit” of the day. A circle pit is like a human tornado kinda. People (men, women, children, grown ass men, morons, drunken fools, jocks and all other kinds of idiots) start running around in a circle, almost in a skipping or galloping like fashion while pushing and elbowing one another often consuming bystanders and crashing into the un-observants while the circle gains in speed and grows in size. It sounds silly as shit but it’s sure is exciting to see one start and grow to monstrous proportions. So yeah, St. Paul was cool. I opted for a trip to a beer store rather than drink Corona/Heineken. I bought a six pack of Bell’s Kalamazoo Stout. The chocolate milk/coffee like stout is like an liquid eclipse, tasting divine. Bell’s is one of my favorite breweries to have recently acquired better distribution deals making it easier to find in places across the US. Fast forward back to Chicago. The waste shined like a U.F.O. on this one due to a combo of people that actually knew who we were (we do well in Chi-Town) and others who we fascinated by their new discovery. Catering was on a whole other level tonight. Ingredients, choices, presentation and overall skill combined for one the most memorable meals on this tour. I sampled my ass off, of course!
Master Grill brick citrus & herb chicken w/ artichoke and potato hash cake w/ Aleppo- pepper aioli and steamed lemon broccoli was my main dish. I also asked to try the veal, beef and andouille meatballs and the pineapple, chili and sliced beef open faced quesadilla with smoked pepper sour cream appetizer. I bowed to the chef and praised his efforts while my brain thanked my body and my stomach thanked me. I jumped off the foodie cliff after eating the Tiramisu and coffee Sunday. Whenever I eat like this, I grab the drum set by the balls and “make it my bitch” so to speak. Good company (Jim of Yakuza & Mike Dorfman of Trick Drums), good food and good music led to good times.

As I Lay Driving

There will be Blood! Burnt by the Sun singer "Mike O" screams as he rids himself of long standing demons that have haunted him from youth while growing up in a possessed household in Maine. BBTS' Heart of Darkness fills my eardrums as we drive overnight to Chicago and frankly, I'm proud of this record. This new and final BBTS is a sonic pyledriver, heavier and angrier than ever, providing an audio map for Mayan future culture, apocalyptic visions and general world downfall. Yes, I play in this band as well and being the musicial idiot that I am, I seek constant stimulation and challenge in the realm of music.
Anyway, this is my first mobile blackberry van post hence the title. I wonder what catering will be today.